The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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