literally had 100 drinks last night.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
