I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
