I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
