I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
