this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
