Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
