I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
