Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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