the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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