Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
