Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
