She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I party with great urgency now.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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