Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
