He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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