Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Randomize
