small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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