Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
