apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
