she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
