I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
