Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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