Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
