conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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