It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
