I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
