I cannot find my penis.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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