His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
