Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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