i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
