its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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