We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
