just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
