Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
