she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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