Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
