I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My feet surprised me
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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