dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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