This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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