man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
3 2 1 whiskey
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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