If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
