my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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