I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
