Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
