now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
