The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
whose parrot is this?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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