I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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