im so drunk with asians
where?
always
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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