everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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