a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
