You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
