YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
